You reminded me of something I had forgotten Dee...
In 1993 we had a flood where the area I lived in was one inch from going over the levy for like 3 months. I freaked and my councelor told me it was happening to many people who had suffered from previous PTSD (which I have from the incest). It is the "not safe" thing.
I'm seeing a counselor and he says I am dealing very well with a difficult situation, but I've only seen him two times in the last 12 weeks so I am going to step that up. My Psychiatrist wanted to "adjust my medication" right after the flood and I said no. I said to her " the meds I'm on worked fine before the flood...are there meds to fix what I'm going through?" She told me that I have a lot of grieving and other emotions to go through and that the only medical answer would be to prescribe meds to knock me out and that would only delay the process. So we are keeping on my "pre-flood" meds.
Your comment about PTSD made me remember some important things so I truly appreciate this! When things get really hard and my feeling of safety get really screwed up, I fall back on the things that worked when I was a child (or perhaps didn't work..but they did allow me to survive). I've had times during the last month where I don't remember parts of the day (when I got totally stressed and "lost it").
I believe this flood would be hard for anyone, but given my past issues, I am probably going directly to some of the supposed "survival methods" I learned as a child.
I think I need to have some compassion for myself and also realize that my reactions may not appear reasonable to some, but are really a normal response to an "unnormal situation".
Deep Breath!!! Ok ... this is helping.
What I'm doing now to try and move through this is
1. mom is coming (god I hate to admit that) to just take over for a few days so I can just rest and not worry about life for 2 days.
2. I am setting up with my concelor to meet once a week for the next month.
3. with great reservations I will discuss with my psychiatrist if we should adjust my meds for a short period of time due to the stress.
OK... I'm signing off now. Today was actually better mostly because the volunteers showed up and at least got 50% of the "debri" cleaned out so it isn't so freaky when I go downstairs. Also because my mom is gonna take over a bit for a few days and my brother is also willing to come and just take care of basic responsibilities so I can have a few days of real rest.
Thank you for your support (hug) sometimes it only takes a few words to change someone's perspective and get them in the right direction! You are awesome!