Hi, everyone. I've been registered on this forum for some time and have been a long-time lurker, but this is my first official post. I'm writing from a short-term psychiatric facility on the east coast (luckily, one that allows the use of electronic devices). I've been an inpatient here for almost a month -- was admitted after a history of suicidal ideation led to a sincere suicide attempt. I am (or was) an alcoholic, but my psychological illness is much broader that that.
Now in my early 30s, I've endured a long past of childhood and adolescent trauma (physical, emotional, and sexual abuse), followed by an adulthood marked by sexual assaults and rape. I've also suffered quite a bit of grief and loss and my life. Naturally, I felt a strong need to find some way to self-medicate pain, be it healthy or unhealthy; and unfortunately, alcohol made its way to the forefront. In the past several months, my psyche has begun to spiral out of control, and I feel powerless over everything in my life, powerless over my own soul.
I'm an absolute wreck and have been living with this unresolved trauma (and poor coping mechanisms) for so long, that my treatment team agrees I need to undergo some more intensive therapy in a residential setting. After doing my research with the social workers here in the hospital, I've chosen to seek admission at The Meadows, a "rehab" center in AZ that focuses on inpatient treatment for PTSD/trauma as well as for co-occurring addictions (e.g., alcohol and self injury. I'll be riding the "dual diagnosis" track.)
Fast forward through the mundanities of the admission process, and now I've sealed the deal and am flying out west to The Meadows this Friday morning/early afternoon. Needless to say, I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. As the subject line states, this will be my first go at any sort of rehab at all, and this is going to be heavy -- the program's mission is to treat the "whole person," to get to the core of the disease rather than to dwell on individual symptoms (drinking, self-harming, etc.) without first working on the root cause.
So. As a newbie, what do I need to know, and what should I start fearing most right now? The withdrawal from caffeine (coffee) and from my electronic devices will likely be most brutal, but the strictness of the program and rigorous structure also scares me a little. No, not a little, a lot.
In addition to general advice, if anyone knows anything about The Meadows that you'd be comfortable sharing with me, or if anyone is an alum/alumna of the program, please, please, please tell me everything. The plunge into a deep, dark see of the unknown beckons.
Thanks so much in advance for any helpful tidbits.
melancholyj