Soooo . . . in the wake of another drinking binge and having been given an ultimatum to seek immediate treatment or move out, I'm back.
I was sober for very nearly a year after moving back here. I'm really scared that at the end of the day, I want to drink too much to exercise the will I'm going to need to quit, even though it's so painfully obvious to everyone that I NEED TO QUIT. I actually wrote in a journal earlier this year that I would never give up drinking entirely. So that's not good. Rethinking that attitude now, obviously. I actually wrote down that I could not come back here and post without feeling dishonest and phony knowing I simply wasn't as committed to my sobriety as you all are.
So it's going to be AA or counseling for me, it looks like. Not that either of those ever seemed especially helpful to me in the past.
It's not a banner day. I could really use some encouragement and a hug. Day One.