Dee,
It really seems to me to be flood related, although it is probably playing into all kinds of stuff if I went deep with it.
I just feel like I've been hanging on by my nails for 2 months waiting and trying to work through how to fix the mess from the flood. Yesterday we had another torrent of rain and the water came within 2 feet of the house. My reaction was very overboard ... but then I dream every night about a tornado, a flood, a collapsing building or something like it... I just don't feel safe. Of course I know that life being "safe" isn't the deal, but since the flood I seem to have lost my anchor and things are not exactly going well with it at this point.
Yesterday right before this 3rd flood in 2 months, I started to just crumble at work and had to go home. But when I was talking to my co-worker about why I was crumbling she said she had no idea that my house was still basically a disaster zone full of mud and debris waiting for help.
The good part is that when I went home and this flood hit, and I ended up crying in front of my neighbors .... one of them stepped up and got the city to come out. It's a long story, but they did clean enough debris out of the storm drain behind my house so that the water receded and they are suppose to clean it up better today.
I'm just pretty much not doing ok. I am on the edge of a melt down every day and I'm trying hard to not suck into that..to keep on keeping on, put on my big girl pants and think about others (cause many have it worse than me). But the truth is that I'm not doing that well at this.
there is a part of me that wants to just drink till I pass out so I don't have to live this part, but another part of me is saying "I'll show them, I won't drink". I'm not sure what that means, but it is what it is.
Drinking would really make this much worse and I don't feel a strong need to drink ... but yes it crosses my mind. My real concern is that I can't run on the pull up your bootstraps, be a man (woman) and you can take it stuff forever.
OK -- the house is safe another day and in theory someone is suppose to show up tomarrow to start cleaning out the mud and start on putting in the walls....
Thank you for asking Dee it means alot to me that you did (hug)