Free2B84

I am an alcoholic and have known for around 5 years now. I went to rehab in 2011 and stayed sober 1 year before meeting new friends that were not alcoholics and began to think I could just drink a little. Here I am 31 and 3 years later and I can't go longer than a week without drinking. I was doing so well last week until I met a guy online and he seemed awesome. Seeing that I am constantly lonely and being in a small town and being a gay man with no license I jumped on the chance to meet and hangout with him. Thought about not drinking the whole way to the restaurant but when I got there I had ordered a beer before I realized how dumb it was. Ultimatly I drank 2 beers there, went to a firework show where he had beer in a cooler and I drank with him. I ended up going home with him and getting totally waisted and peeing in his bed. I was mortified when I woke and still am. I didn't mention it to him before we parted ways but got the feeling he was never going to ask me out again. I have text him a 'i'm sorry'but no reply. So my delimma is that I get so lonely that it makes it very hard to say no to any kind of invite out. I want to get sober and stay sober. My small town only has 3 meetings a week with only straight older men in them. How am I suppose to connect or confide in that sort of atmosphere? No license and no sponsor either. My roommate is not an alcoholic but she is very easy pushed over by me. Please help with any kind of advice.