Morning gang,
Was actually in the sixties this morning, that's a rare treat for July and to celebrate I had the longest run I've done in years.....felt good.
Good point Conquest. Like many, I have to be "on" at work and interact with many in the community as part of my work. I'm great at the polite chitchat but when I'm not playing that role I'm naturally quite introverted. The social situations I'm avoiding in my personal life have at least temporarily led to a bit of isolation. Something to work on.
As different in age and background as we all are, there is certainly the common bond of the path we're on. The last few days have prompted me to do an evaluation of where things stand for me.
I feel as though I have the 'not drinking' thing down for now. This past week alone gave me a chance that doesn't come around much to test the waters in secrecy.....not gonna do it. So how do I feel?....
Mostly ok I guess, but I proceed with a resigned acceptance of things for now. It brings to mind the 'pleasure unwoven' thing and brain receptors, all that stuff. I still admit to life with muted emotion/joy and I have two lines of thought on it.
Number one is this is all part of the healing process and will get better....when? According to what I've researched between one and two years. I can get to a year I know. After that time I know that my expectations will begin to rise. We're all working out butts off to get this and it seems reasonable to expect a payoff right? Something. Instant gratification would be fine with me but I don't think it works that way. Slow and steady gets the prize.
This brings me to depression/anxiety. I will consider after a year or so that there may be other factors such as a diagnosis of depression. That's hard for me to admit. My sobriety is not threatened at the moment, so I've deferred looking into this for now....just rolling with it and giving it the time that I mentioned above. I don't want to start medicating something that may work itself out. With exercise and staying busy, and having travel plans scattered through the year to look forward to I can manage.
Between the first and second year of sobriety will be a time of testing for me. If I don't have solid progress on the emotional front, I will seek professional help of some sort. Years ago a cousin of my mom's (my only northern relatives...from Newton MA) were in town and we had them over for dinner. He was relating his journey through depression. He made the statement that he knew intellectually that he loved his family etc., but that he just didn't feel much of anything. I've never forgotten that. He had a son coincidentally named Mark that I barely knew that killed himself in a horrific manner. He also has a daughter about my age that later started an organization called Families for Depression Awareness. Her name is Julie Totten and there is a story about all of it if you google her name and babson.edu. I will potentially reach out to her for guidance.
Let's all hang in there and give this a chance long term. We can do it. I'm counting on some of that Technicolor spark that Dee referenced. It's out there for us too gang.
Wishing all the best day.....Mark