Originally Posted by
Grok 
I am not a stupid person. I know that what I am doing is hurting me , hurting others and basically ruining my life. I have to work soooo hard to be normal it hurts, but I just keep doing it , it makes no sense. I cant go on like this. I dont want to yet I do.
I no longer even know why I do it. I am not depressed just utterly fed up with repeating the same stupid cycle for years.
Fatally flawed implies that you are "not right" or "immoral". Alcoholism is a disease (although some might argue that it is a choice which I don't subscribe to). The brain mechanism that causes this is a reward system that puts alcohol (and drugs) to the very top. Over basic primal needs like food and sex. The brain doesn't know it is poison. So when one tries to stop, the brain (I am talking about a specific part of the brain, not the part that reasons) says, "hey... I need that stuff to survive!" The reasoning part of the brain says "no, I want to quit, This is bad" So there is the duality and the internal struggle. This has nothing to do with how smart you are or how strong you are. It is a nasty disease that requires some form of intervention.