To date, it doesn't seem as though your commenting about your wanting to drink, even putting a plan in place to do so, has served you well. You've done this on more than one occasion, and though it hasn't always ended in disaster, it has ended in you relapsing. There essentially seems to be no redeeming qualities in your commenting on a relapse in advance, planned or unplanned. "Only being honest" about it is not enough.
You now have an opportunity to break this pattern by not drinking, no matter how much you convince yourself that you're missing out on "fun," and how unhappy you are because you're presently not drinking. Don't blow your sobriety on a pipe dream.
Being a "big boy" means making big-boy decisions. How much will your being a "big boy" mean to you if you were to indulge your destructive fantasy to drink with your buddies?