First off, Dee, please please don't let anything I say or do sadden you. God I feel guilty already. I'm just a bum from Minnesota, USA.
I feel like you do really understand me. I'm sure doing what you do, you learn to observe all types of personalities etc...but yes, I'm competitive and I am doing a slow burn right now. It does not sit well with me that I shouldn't drink. No one will ever get me to say I "can't" drink. We are frickin adults, we can do whatever we want. That's part of the fun.
Lastly, you mention being a pillar of the community, that resonates with me. Everyone likes being looked at as being upstanding, responsible, and part of the fabric of the community. I live in a town of about 25,000 people, and we done projects on our main street. I like knowing that every day I (along with hundreds of others) drive down that street and can look at projects I have done to improve our community. Sure, I got paid for it, but our town looks nicer because of it.
I'm not messing anything up Dee, at least not tonight. And seriously, I sincerely feel guilty for sayings things that sadden you. But you're a big boy, I'm sure you'll get over it, and maybe I'm thinking a bit too highly of myself.
Originally Posted by
Dee74 
It saddens me that you still see drinking as pleasurable for you.
I totally get it, but it saddens me.
Many of us here sat with you through threads and PMs where things were decidedly not pleasurable for you - but that's the power of alcoholism and selective memory.
I know that you hate to 'lose' and that a part of you is steaming against not being able to control your drinking.
Sometimes we just have to accept things, particularly as we grow older. It's part of being an upstanding guy, pillar of the community and an adult.
I've said several times now you have a great opportunity here - very few of us get a period of time where we cannot drink - it's like the best head start ever.
I'd *really* hate to see you mess that up, man.
D