Originally Posted by
thomas11 
Hey Melinda, I'm glad you brought this up, I remember being the same way. If a buddy stopped by for a few, it threw everything out of whack. My god, that is bad isn't it?
Oh yeah, it's bad when we get to that point. I resented friends coming over and sharing my stash. I guarded and worshipped my availability to alcohol above anything and everyone in my life. I was angry all the time. So glad to be done with that.
The cycle of buying and worrying and buying and worrying was maddening. One of my personal golden rules or realizations is that active alcoholism is perhaps the least relaxing state of mind to be in. The least peaceful. The least content. I was miserable even when I had all the booze I could consume in one evening and alone to drink it by myself. The sense of impending doom was a constant companion.