it sounds like you got a few things going on.
You still want to drink tho but why? play the tape whats it going to do for you? is it going to be beneficial is it the solution you need? I kinda had to realizse i could do a lot of things but drinking was not gonna be a solution to anything. I kicked and screamed and cryed about how this was BS that i couldnt drink but I eventually accepted it and moved on. I wont lie I still have my moments. the other day I told my wife maybe instead of all this healthy nonsense I should just get a meat lovers pizza and a bag of dope screw it!
It sounds like you got some anger and frustration an danxiety going on. I'm sure some of it is because you cant drink or you cant seemt o get any relief from lifes issues. You can try exercising clean diet getting some hobbies etc.. There may not be a magic bullet but all these things can help a bit to ease matters.
try and pick apart your issues some how much is alcohol related and how much is not. you said yourself you dont think its all alcohol related. try and pick it apart some and tackle each issue on its own as you can dont overwhelm yourself.
I described my mind as like a birds nest. it was a friggen mess up there when i got sober. I had to untangle that mess as best i could just not drinking was going to fix it. and i wont lie it stunk i wanted to scream at times!