Hi Martina.
I just wanted to reassure you that a bad lesson doesn't equal a bad teacher. We all have days when nothing goes to plan. I work in school management and observe lessons all the time. In fact when the school is observed under the new Ofsted framework from September, less emphasis is going to be put on a teachers performance on the day, and more on pupils progress over time, as they recognise that a snapshot of a lesson won't give the full picture.
So, cross that off your worry list.
If I were you, I would go back to work tomorrow, hold your hands up and say you recognise it wasn't great. A self-reflective teacher is a good one, and besides, all your other observations have gone well haven't they?
As for your drinking...you recognise that drinking through anxiety doesn't work. Time to find new ways of managing it. What are you doing for your recovery? How better could you manage stress?
My job is really hard work too at the moment. I make a point of coming home, having a bath, sitting in the garden and meditating. I do a lot of reading and have my quiet time when I sit by myself. Exercise is supposed to help, but I haven't tried that for any length of time due to my laziness 😊
You can do this Martina. I believe in you 👍