You're not stupid, dumb, or insane. I've done all those things. Your family probably does know. I always thought I was fooling people.
Once I accepted that I couldn't ever have just one drink without wanting many many more, it was easier to quit. One day at a time. I needed support and accountability. I posted and read a lot here. I attend AA meetings. In the beginning I joined the daily support threads. Don't call yourself names. Doesn't help. Don't think about it. Do something about it.