Hi Serenidad-
I read a book by Jason Vale called, 'Kick The Drink, Easily'. I have also read whatever else I can get my hands on about addiction/ sobriety. As far as support, I use SR, and the only person who knows in my life is my husband. Every one else is on a need to know basis. Although he is very proud of me, I am the one who had to want to quit drinking, you know? Can he keep me sober? Absolutely not.
For years he said, 'please don't drink tonight, ok'? He thought, if I cared enough about him and our family, it would be just that easy. And he thought, if I got smashed that night it was because I didn't love or respect him. You, me, and every other addict knows that has nothing to do with it. But I had to get to the point to
accept that I can't ever pick up a drink again if I wanted a chance at a real life again.
That took a lot of strength.
Acceptance was what I needed. I wish I knew exactly when that moment was- sometime on May 14th. Until that moment, I gave into cravings, that little voice....that little voice was more important than anything else.
Am I perfect? F-no. Not even close. I have a lot of work to do. I pretty much have pushed every person away bit by bit, instead choosing to isolate myself and get smashed with by best friend, Merlot.
Do I think I am immune from every drinking again? I may sound like a total smart-a$$ about my relationship with booze. However, I can't ever get that comfortable because as you and others know, it can happen.
Now that the booze is out of my system, I need to learn some methods with how to deal with emotions. I am researching counselors to start sessions so I can add tools to my toolbox.
I may sound harsh, but this is how I have to be with myself. When I kept thinking, but it's not that easy, I had a good day/ bad day so I have to get plastered- I was keeping drinking on the table.
I have only 40 some days into this. I have been drinking or using for over 20 years.
You have 5 entire years of sobriety. That. Is. Amazing.
Please be willing to do whatever it takes, Dear Serenidad. I am cheering for you!!!
