Originally Posted by
CeeFarro 
One of the reasons I quit drinking is that I don't want to be a mess when he passes. I need to be together and strong. If I go down in flames I might not come back from it and I know this. I used to not care..but I do now. I already see it happening to my sisters who are pretty much wasted everyday when they call.
So I am just ratting myself out I guess..Maybe to take the power out of it. The thought of sitting in a dark bar Bukowski style with the shades drawn sounded very appealing to me but what popped into my head next was the reality. Would I wake up at a strangers house or jail? What if my dad passed away that night and I was blacked out/passed out? I never know what will happen when I drink and there is such a freedom in not having to worry about that anymore...So instead of stopping at the bar I kept driving. I didn't succumb to that crap and I got the heck out of town back to my little sanctuary out here in the woods.
And by the grace of the Universe, God or whatever I am sober another day..
We are the same person Cee. I am just shaking now, close to tears because I totally get what you are saying. My father was diagnosed with an untreatable disease. I idolize this man, and he is dying. I understand your need to be sober, to have a clear head to deal with this. I need to be sober now, because I too know that I will fall very very hard when the time comes to say goodbye if I am not sober. You are inspiring. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.