I want to be direct and say that your statement about having zero options for treatment is simply not true. Nothing at all, inpatient outpatient, none? Serenidad, there are so many different possibilities, if not in your area, then in a different state. There is Salvation Army.
I feel that the truth is what you just said, that you are not doing anything, for some reason refuse to do anything consistent for your recovery. But you see, it's not working this way. Do you think that some sort of magic will just happen now or anytime in the future that will pull this together? Please don't get me wrong, I only speak with good intentions and following your struggles here for a pretty long time. You know clearly what the problem is (stated it in your last post), but you clearly can't make that bridge to another level with the ways you have been trying. What's next, Serenidad? More cycles of these kinds of posts and states for you, or...?