I'm glad you posted about what you're going through. I put myself through it many times JayEl. Justified the insanity for decades. In the end it was pure misery - dangerous and pointless. I don't know why I kept thinking it might be otherwise. Being free of it forever feels so good. I'm glad you plan to see your doctor.
I hope you'll keep talking to us - I found it helped with the anxiety. You know we understand, and can relate.