Dog days are over
Greetings all,
I have been reading and posting on SR since January 2015, but I rarely start my own thread. Perhaps I am sleep deprived now, but I feel like starting one now.
Today I have exceeded 170 days without an alcoholic drink. Never, at any point in my adult life, did I imagine that it was possible to go this long without consuming some form of mind altering substance.
As I look back, I realise I have spent most of my adult life engaging in a process of self medication. It started with heavy cannabis use, which became daily, which became first thing in the morning until last thing at night. I can't believe I completed my degree, as I was essentially intoxicated throughout. I then progressed to alcohol and other drugs, then mostly alcohol, with some brief periods of reprieve.
I used substances to medicate and tranquillise anxiety, depression, fear, and sadness. I also drank when I was happy. I connected substances to work, study and leisure activities. Alcohol became inextricable with family, friendships, relationships, even children. I self medicated as I made my journey through social space-time, tranquillising the moment-to-moment units of raw experience. This process of medication transformed my experience to madness, as I damaged others around me and damaged myself.
Although at 170 days and with a questionable expectation that everything should be normal by now, this is still early days. I am trying to learn to deal with reality, other people, and myself, as my sober self. Sometimes anxious, sometimes depressed, sometimes happy, sometimes connected to others.
Dog Days are Over is a song by Florence and the Machine, which has been playing in my mind all day. I encourage you to listen to it and it's wonderful lyrics.
My best wishes to you all,
B