Hi FreeOwl.
I read your earlier post as well about this upcoming party... Now reading this, you know what came to mind first? That you are very mindful of the challenge, which is great, but you also seem very concerned and if I can say that, a bit fearful. I was thinking, if I felt this way that I needed to revoke all the past disasters and set them against my current excitement about an event, I would probably simply skip the event. I don't think there is such a thing that having been sober for X number of months or years, we are automatically supposed to be able to handle any challenge confidently and without concerns. It's a very individual thing, and in general the more old associations with drinking we can expect at a particular event, the higher the risk of giving in to an impulse in ways that cannot be foreseen or predicted.
For me, I have attended numerous events where there was a lot of drinking and alcohol freely accessible in my sobriety, but I only started going to these once I felt no concerns or desire I could detect prior to the event. Never had a problem. Often I just go for an hour or two to say hi and chat a bit, then leave. And I am still very vigilant about events where I know I would face more than just alcohol, something or someone that is strongly linked with my alcoholism from the past. I just attended a conference like that recently, where I met my alcoholic ex and spent days around him after years of no connection. Only one person, but the biggest trigger for me on Earth in more than one ways. I knew without doubt that I would get impulses in that environment, and I made sure I had multiple plans how to handle them in the moment. It was still quite challenging a few times, to tell you the truth -- I totally felt my neurotransmitters going wild in waves, and some of the waves were almost as strong as my cravings just after getting sober. So I ended up telling him this and asked him not to spend time together 1:1 beyond what was absolutely necessary, and even that in a public place, because I knew it would be the private meeting that could make me lose it impulsively, if anything. And he wanted to talk with me about getting sober and recovery, on top of everything (still drinks).
So what I am trying to suggest is that you measure benefits and potential costs. For example, what would you lose by not going (or only going for a short while) to that gathering if you feel so concerned vs your sobriety that you've worked for so hard? Some momentary pleasures vs living a good life long-term?
If you are going, I would really make sure that I have plans A, B, C and lots of cognitive exercises in case this or that happens unexpectedly, especially in regards to possible situations and people you feel might be triggering. This is how I do it at least. Maybe what I tend to do is an overkill, but it's given good results so I stick with it.
In any case, you are doing the right thing thinking about this a lot and posting. I wish you all the best; I think our sobriety dates are something like one month apart... I really would like us to keep it this way!
