Hi.
From past experience this is a miserable way of life especially being here and reading the success stories.
There is a helpful way out, concentrate on NOT drinking rather on the drinking portion many have experienced for too long. In the beginning it helped me by going to meetings and listening, accepting I cannot drink in safety and remembering that if I don’t have that first drink one day at a time in a row I won’t have to try to get sober again. That’s worked for a long time.
BE WELL