What am I doing?
Dumb title for this post. I know what I'm doing. I'm headed straight back to where I was, or worse.
I have had a couple good stretches, but keep going back to drinking. I wanted to create a post about just what my AV is telling me and right now it's louder than anything else. I know it's ridiculous and maybe if I put it in writing and read it, re-read it something will kick in.
My shakes are back daily. That's right, I justify it that they're 'my' shakes, I'm used to them, I know how to work with them... Besides I can still write legibly.
That awful sweating is back. That's ok, adjust what I wear, keep some extra deodorant in the drawer. Keep an extra t shirt near the bed so I can quickly change when I wake up drenched and know I just need a few more hours sleep.
Lunch drinks. Not uncommon at my workplace. But do I stop there? Nope, but no one knows, right? No one can tell and it's not causing any issues, just helps me work better in the afternoon.
Hidden drinks at home. Nothing to worry about, it's just a six pack a night as far as what is visible. There is NO way I could sleep with just a six pack, they just don't understand. And again, not hurting anything right?
I may think of more. I just need to get it out there because I am so painfully aware of just how wrong and backwards these thoughts are, but they're big and loud and getting worse.