Rah, I am sorry you are going through this - like PTSD.
I believe I am the oldest of the group at 62, and my feeling now is that life is indeed short, and I want to enjoy it as much as possible and be fully aware every minute. I do not ever again want to spend a beautiful day sick and shivering with a miserable hangover; I do not want to cancel plans because I am too sick to do something.
Determined, I find myself much more relaxed in social situations; I can concentrate on conversations instead of worrying if I am drinking too fast, worrying if I am slurring my words, worrying if people can tell I had a few before the party, worrying if there is enough of my favorite drink, worrying if it will be dark enough to drink on the drive home....I am so done with that!
Today is Ten Months for me, thanks to all the wonderful members of Team August. I never thought I would make it this far; and, thanks to this group of people - those still posting, those who drifted away, those who joined another month - - ALL of you are the reason I am happy in sobriety.