Hello Sha,
We have all done things we regret. That's part of why we are here.
Please forgive yourself and move forward in your quest for sobriety.
Have you ever heard the saying "only a fool trips over what's behind him?"
The past is over and done with; learn from it and move on.
Wishing you all the luck in the world. Read and post here often, it has been a great support to me to do that.
Ring