IME putting down the drink or drug is the easy part. Changing ourselves so that we can live happily in sobriety is where most people fail. And then eventually wind up picking up again. I had to change just about every single thing you stated in the op. It took a very open mind, lots of willingness, lots of desire, and the help of many people. As needabreak said, I don't have room in my life for people who act as the one you describe. They not only eventually destroy themselves, but work overtime bringing down everyone else around them too.