I'm sorry you're hurting and as Sparklekitty said, you aren't the worst person out there. I've done some bad things because I was drinking. Poor choices and poor self esteem. Alcohol wasn't a good solution to either.
Stick around for support on your journey. You can do it but it takes time and hard work. Rest up, drink plenty of water, take a deep breath and read around here for ideas to make a plan for sobriety