(((Hugs))) to you Shalaylay.
I know in this moment it's hard to believe but a) you aren't the worst person in the world, and b) I'd wager nearly every person on this site has felt the same way you do right now. I know I have.
My recovery from codependence (which was as destructive in my life as any addiction) began when I allowed myself a little bit of compassion and accepted that I was a hurting person making poor choices whose life had become unmanageable (or rather, who was recognizing that her life had never been as manageable as I needed to believe).
You made such a good choice in coming here. Welcome.