Welcome back, missunhappy. Good news is you never have to feel this way again. First step is don't take that first drink no matter what. As long as you don't take the first one, you can't take the second or third or tenth.
Set yourself a plan for what you're going to do different this time, for what you're going to do when thoughts of drinking enter your mind. Posting and getting involved here on SR has been a vital part of my recovery so far. Hope to see you post often!