Good evening all,
So I have reached the end of day sixty nine. I am very indecisive as I write this. Do I have milo, Horlicks or a late' as my "bed time" drink? My little shadow is being quite adorable as I write this. Unfortunately she is very camera shy, so you will have to just use the picture posted by BB earlier for a visual reference. Business first as usual.
Physically I am fine. I am not very tired, but hope that I sleep well tonight. My headache did not come back after this mornings sugar drink. I am wondering if that is the problem after all these years of drinking - low blood sugar.
Mentally I am good. I only got half of what I needed to do today done. Not much I can do about that now. Other than the sanitization and things that I needed to do, I spent the day reading and trawling the net for more research. A surprising theme kept recurring though throughout my trawling. The demand for NA craft beer. It seems though that the brewers are just not interested while the demand seems to be growing. The posts that I came across are between two and five years old - good for me in SA as we seem to lag the trend by at least five to ten years. Dr Google can be your friend sometimes, but I still prefer the old tomes of literature.
Emotionally I good. I had my moments this weekend. Especially when I was not able to do anything due to lack of either water or power. I believe that these feelings are normal given my situation. Not much I can do but continue forward day by day. The AV did get particularly strong a few times this weekend and I find that it is usually when I am feeling anger or self-pity. I find that with getting my mind occupied the AV recedes into the background fairly quickly.
As yet I still have no physical craving to drink. The temptation comes from my emotional state. My AV tries to bargain with me - Either I should reward myself for the sober time achieved, or I should drown out my self-pity. Fortunately for me, I am where I am at the moment and so I have a goal to achieve. I have to do this sober. This is not setting myself up or anything like that - but it is a "bargaining" tool I use against the AV. I do find that the AV is only starting to really show itself now. In the early days, I was too occupied with the physical symptoms to notice the "voice". Now, I don't have the physical symptoms to worry about so much - I have to deal with the reality of life and the "voice" is more predominant. It is not a constant thing and does pass in a short time.
The AV does not occupy every moment of my waking state at all. The bargaining and reasoning/pleading pass very quickly. I guess what I am trying to say is - I am starting to notice it more than what I have before. I do give in and make myself a decent coffee or have a big glass of water and the "voice" fades into the ether.
Well, I guess I am going to have water instead of a hot drink. I am just too lazy to go downstairs and prepare it. It is too nice and cosy to lie here on the bed with the cats and watch the fire. There is something calming and mesmerizing about a fireplace, especially in winter. To be quite honest, I don't know that it is winter unless I go outside.
Well it is movie time and tomorrow is work again. Tuesday is a holiday here, so it will be a short week.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB