Hi John, just wondering re AA, do you have a sponsor that you're working the programme with? Meetings are all well and good, but I find my sponsor and the steps invaluable.
As alcoholics, we do tend to feel things too too much at times. We project and conclude about all sorts of ways people think and feel about us, because we trust our feelings. One of the things I've learn through my step work is how many mistakes I've made, and how much unnecessary pain I've put myself through because I act of feelings, rather than facts. There could be a room full of people being pleasant and I'll think that one person (who I may not even like or respect much) has ignored me / looked at me funny / rejected me, and because me thinking it hurts just the same as if they actually DID do that thing, I roll with it, because it MUST be true because I can feel it. When I looked at it, most of my fears; anxieties; and resentments were based on projection and my own lively imagination. No-one in the world could ever have told me that though - I needed to discover it myself through the steps (step 4 to be precise). Once I'd done step 4 and step 5 I was amazed by the change in me, as was my counsellor.
If you haven't got a sponsor, please ask someone (possibly not 'that' guy!!
) . If you already have a sponsor, please call them and let him help you out a bit.
Please don't continue to put yourself through this pain.