Im on an iphone sorry if this is choppy. It helped to read your thread. I too wondered how long does it take? I too was afraid to trust for all of the reasons you shared actually. Every 1 of them. I still am sometimes. Maybe that is why I am single 1.5 yrs later, having had very few dates. I needed time. About 6 months to get over the initial sting. 1 yr to go to "those places" and enjoy myself anyway. And 1.5 to even feel a desire to date someone new enough to try the trusting thing again, and not just say i am ready to trust but want it. I have contact with my Ex abf now but it took 1 solid yr to get over that anger and resentment too. I know even though you are sad, u have angry days. We all do mixed in. This is so hard!!! I think putting that serenity prayer on your fridge is a great idea. In fact, i am going to do it too. I also did make that list of all the things I DONT MISS about this person, the things they did to me b/c of their drinking. My life IS peaceful now. His toxicity cannot infiltrate my daily happiness. What you are going through now is bringing you eventually to that spot, even though you cannot imagine it so b/c the pain is SO bad. Give it time, and work on your remembering how her drinking made you feel so bad, up and down all the time. Hurt and alone and how now, you can just be. If she was here now, it would only be pain too. Stuck pain. This pain atleast pushes you to the next level of healing. Wishing you the best! Great thread.