It seems to me that some people really struggle in their sobriety, myself included. There are members on these forums who have found a way to stay sober, and they emanate a light of hope and purpose. Then you have people who really have a hard time with it, even though they believe they have tried using the tools. I really struggle myself, but I choose not to give up. Similar to you, I don't know if I will make it, as life sometimes seems too much for me. But I continue to explore - I look at my food intake, I look at exercise, I come up with my own eccentric theories about life that other people think are a little crazy, and I also read about groups and programs that are not as popular as AA or SMART. In other words, I continue to grasp for air because sometimes that is all I feel I can do. I encourage you to continue grasping like I do, and just maybe you will find something.