I am very sorry you are hurting so much again, 2much, and that you went back to drinking. Others have already said to you most of what I could, will just add an observation that you expressed extremely similar things several times even a year or more ago... I know it's hard to handle difficult challenges alone but... you know, I somehow have hard time believing that the world and the human race is so sinister that all your efforts to find compassion and help are turned down. People in recovery seem to report quite the opposite here, from all around the world. I think I must have told you this before, but I believe it's more about how you seek support, how you relate to others first. There must be something if you consistently experience rejection, something other than what's seeded in the external world. I don't know what might be the best way for you to find out, but I feel quite confident in my perception.
I really hope that you manage to snap out of this current state. You see how many people care even just here on SR?
