I don't want anybody to think I am promoting drinking as a way to deal with your problems. I don't, and I know it only makes things worse. But sadly, it does make things go away for a while. I know that when I wake up, all the problems I had before are still there so I don't know why I bother to do this, but sometimes, it just seems to make sense in a way. It's a relief to forget for a while, but the price for that short term relief is enormous. Being alone is so painful. I don't know how to describe it. It hurts a lot. A broken leg hurts a lot. Back pain is tough. This kind of pain hurts all over and never ends. Drinking is like putting an ice-pack on my head. Like I said before, I won't end my life on purpose but I do wish something would happen to end this pain. I've had a good life. I'm ready to go. Enough is enough. John