Originally Posted by
haennie 
I also now have to think practically about how to move forward when he is released from the hospital. There are a few options... if he keeps insisting on living at home, the only possibility I can see is to either have a live-in nurse, or myself staying with him. Of course he would want the second option... but that would be extremely complicated for me. ...
... There is also the personal aspect... I just don't like being here. There was a reason why I went abroad after graduating from college. There have been a lot of changes here politically and in every way since, which I follow and appreciate when I can, but it's just not the environment I'm used to living and thriving in anymore. ...
.... I realized today thinking about all these things, once again, how strongly I am attached to my life that has the seed in NY. The fear of possibly losing it was part of the reason and strong motivation why I got sober... not sure what would happen if I let it go. I was also thinking many times about what and to what extent these feelings reveal about my apparent "fear of commitment" that I struggled with when younger... Does not seem to be that I need to be afraid of not being able to commit, anymore....
...Anyhow, I know that these thoughts right now are heavily fueled by anxiety and may not be realistic is some ways, but it feels good to just express them....
I feel close enough to you to suggest you don't give up your current lifestyle responsibilities as they already exist. For your dad, yes, new responsibilities have come to exist. Still though, a live-in nurse if he really wants to stay home makes better sense than you moving back home. I simply do not see any real upside to you giving up what makes you you to become something that really isn't you. Sure, you would adapt. No matter. Your adaption only speaks to how resourceful you are as a person. It does not speak to the valuation of your love for your dad. Your love is already unconditional, and so circumstances should not dictate your choices going forward. Unconditional love is exactly that: unconditional. The moment we attach conditions to same, we actually cause same to become conditional. Clearly, I'm suggesting you moving back home will result in your present love becoming horribly conditional...
I would not normally speak this direct to just anybody. I'm more than confident you have real ability to resolve the circumstantial challenges which are as of now anyways very demanding on both you and your dad. Thanks for being so honest with us with respect to your angst, my friend haennie
