I get so scared
Reading about everyone whose had so much more time than I have sober and relapsing... it unnerves me. Because I feel so strong now and have no inclination to drink, but what if that changes? I read about people much older than me having to start all over, or start for the first time and I don't want that to happen to me. I have a good life and I don't want to jeopardize any of it. And I've started over so many times, I just want this to be the LAST time I have to start over.
Sorry, I'm kind of down in the dumps today. A friend of a friend passed away over the weekend and I keep reading her Facebook, seeing all the things people posting about how much they care about her. I shouldn't torture myself like that, but I can't help it. I knew her, too, not as well, but she was just a kid. At 23 I didn't know which way was up (still not sure I do!) and I can't imagine it all being over so young. I've got another closer friend who has been battling heroin addiction and I haven't talked to him in a while, so now I'm just worrying about him more than usual.
On top of that my dad is back in the hospital and I don't know what to do for him. He's getting very depressed and angry about his situation and I don't know how to be there for him besides giving him all my time, which is limited enough. Not to mention trying to be there for my mom who I am sure is overwhelmed, but we don't talk about our feelings that deeply. We're close, just not a super expressive family.
Ugh. I'm grateful that I don't want to drink today, and I probably won't want to tomorrow either, but geez I get freaked out worrying about it creeping back into my life.