Thank you all for taking the time to reply, and for your support. BeatrixBird, it was interesting to hear your side of it, being the addict. It gave me some perspective as to what may have been going on in my ex's mind at times. It's funny you mentioned that you hope your husband loves the sober you as much as he loved the pill popping fun you. My ex tried several times to get clean, even did a brief stint in rehab. I often worried if the sober him would love me as much as the addicted him loved me, although I never shared this with him. I wonder if he ever worried about the same thing with me. I'm not sure at this point whether he ever loved me at all though, to be completely honest. We never developed any effective communication skills or honesty, due to him constantly pushing me away and refusing to explain things or let me in. The constant shutting me out drove me absolutely crazy. Then he'd blame me for assuming things, told me I was projecting, or that I was drawing my own conclusions or overreacting. It was never his fault.
As for you, BeatrixBird, good luck in your sobriety. Your husband must love you very much to be with you through 8 years of your addiction. I bet that your husband will not only love the sober you as much as the addicted you, he will probably love you even more.
