I just realized after finishing the book that this winter when I chose to go back to drinking that it was my AV that was making me feel so depressed. I never made the connection back then. It was telling me that I was tense, and sad, and that I'd never feel pleasure again, that I needed a release, that life was dull and hopeless and pointless.... that was the internal dialogue going for some time before I finally fell for it and picked back up. And just like that my depression was cured! I actually remember thinking and ever saying to my bf how much of a happier person I am when I drink.... it make a better person, I really thought that.
What an insight!
At the time I was only looking for obvious thoughts of drinking..... I wasn't self aware enough to be thinking of my moods as a indicator of AV. I thought I was depressed because I'd given myself brain damage but now I see that my AV was exploiting my emotions to get an opportunity to drink.
Now that I know I'll be better prepared this time around
