Thread: Intro
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Old 06-06-2015, 04:37 PM
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Cozmik
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 3
Intro

Hello friends. I am a 28 year old female and I am an alcoholic. I have lurked this site for a good 5 years. I recently relapsed after having a good chunk of sober time, over a year. I drank beer for 2 days on Memorial day and have also been drinking the last 2 days. I also did a couple lines of cocaine last nite. Had to have the couple of beers left in the fridge to steady myself for work this morning (5am).That was my last drink today and hopefully forever. I am going back to my old ways and I am SCARED TO DEATH I will never beat this addiction. i have thrown away SO many opportunities, jobs, and relationships because of this. I've taken myself to the hospital for withdrawals before (3 times). I don't feel thats necessary at the moment as I am in much better health than I used to be and only have drank on those two occasions. I just want so badly to be rid of this terrible affliction. My AV is usually pretty quiet these days but every once in a while it just will not take no for an answer. Sorry I'm just rambling all this out. I have to tell someone tho and all you folks are so helpful and uplifting. I have been to several aa meetings in the past and am def going to find one to attend tomorrow after work. I never really worked the steps, just kind of hunkered down and muscled myself sober from the back of the room. Obviously not working. Perhaps even an addictions counselor would be beneficial. I just ...I don't want to be this person again. Beer binging for days , drinking before work, AT WORK. Running away every time I screw up. Running and lying and self loathing. I would honestly rather be dead. I am not suicidal though. Any words of encouragement and or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all.
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