hello emme,
i drank just as you describe: alone at home, making sure i protected my secret and my drinking.
i tried to stay stopped for years and couldn't do it.
when i finally did, i added action: participating in a secular non-step weekly meeting, daily involvement on a recovery forum, reading my heart out with recovery-stories of tons of diverse people, telling one or two trusted people.
Does anyone have any thoughts? Am I maybe just not ready to do this?
yes, i have a thought: asking if maybe you're just not ready is a very popular way to keep drinking
check out the secular forums farther down if you find AA is not your cup of tea.