dear kate,
i do believe you are detaching. i also don't believe it's an easy thing to do. i found so much simplified in the post from heels. everyday is a new day full of opputunities for all of us. i think we have to let the addict have back their life with love. i,personally think in my situation with my husband and children who choose to use, that our family illness was destroying basic morals and family values. by detaching from the illness and refusing to play a part in their use and abuse, it leaves me better able to love them. my heart has ached many times with bitterness and disappointment as i stayed in the merry-go=round of denial.
i can't tell you how to do it, but i believe that you are on the road back to self-respect, and it can only leave him with a good thought when he respects you for respecting yourself.
i especially like the way it's put, detachment is not desertion.i think it's really love in the deepest sense.
thanks for listening.hugs from sugar