Yup, still an alcoholic
Yup, still an alcoholic. Definitely insanity, I tested out if I am still an alcoholic. Surprise, surprise, I still am. It started as in the old days. Sneaking around late at night, watching a movie by myself. I planned ahead of time that I was going to drink. It started out as, "oh, just have two beers. It will taste great and will go great with the movie." The beers did taste good, but they just didn't hit the spot. "So, let's drink a little Vodka. Nobody will know. It will really feel great. And besides, you have been so good lately, you should treat yourself." Two more progressively stronger Vodka drinks, I'm **** drunk. Now at some point, my wife comes down stairs. She quickly realizes that I'm drunk. An argument soon ensues. The conversation starts out as, "you couldn't even make it thirty days sober!" Obviously, this didn't end well. Of course, drunk me says some regrettable things to her. Eventually I decide to sleep in the downstairs room to sleep it off. Next morning, I am woken up by my family. The realization of the previous nights events become painfully clear as the dreaded hangover welcomes me, as if to say, "remember me old buddy, I'm back". This hangover was epic with pounding headache, head spins, and nausea. That wasn't even the best part. The flood of guilt and shame of getting back on the drink and regretting what I said to my wife.
I listened to my AV again. It sucks, but I am not giving up. I had stayed sober for 26 days. I learned some valuable things. First and most importantly, life is better sober. Second, I do have the will power to stay clean even when there is a lot of social pressure to drink. Third, I am definitely an alcoholic.