Lance, a year ago I was right there where you were, actively planning to use. But I went further, and that next weekend, while my wife was out of town, I spent three days getting high. Five years clean gone in a flash. And my addictive behaviors, in remission for those five years came roaring back.
I was terribly dismayed. I had been battling drug addiction and substance abuse since I was a teenager and here I was, 57 years old, doomed--I though--to struggle with it until I died or it killed me.
But following that spree I recommitted to getting and staying clean and I'm as secure in my recovery as this lifelong addict/alcoholic can expect. I am going to struggle with this my whole life, I think. But for the last year the struggle has gone in the favor of recovery. All my work is geared to keeping that balance.
Hoping the same for you.