SetecAstronomy

First post. I’m wondering if I have a drinking problem. Probably the fact that I’m wondering means I might, but since I don’t drink everyday maybe I’m okay…

I’m almost 40 and been a weekend binge drinker for ~20 years. Starting in college, parties or partying with friends every weekend, etc. Ten years later moved to a new city for a good job, no friends, started drinking at home alone Friday/Saturday nights, usually spent half of the time on the phone talking to old friends, then stayed up til the wee hours watching movies til I fell asleep. Sometimes drank during the day on Saturday if I was doing something like working on my car or watching live music or street fair type things, etc, but rarely ever drank on Sunday. Usually around a case of beer per weekend. Fast forward a few years, married, kids, wife not a big drinker, and can’t really stay up late anymore as I have to get up early for the kids. Started drinking Sundays too after getting married. Basically progressively drinking more, to the point that Mondays truly suck. And of course Saturday/Sunday mornings aren’t good either, but at least didn’t have to work. But I do have to vomit in the mornings more than I used to…

So the past month I seem to have stepped it up yet another notch, and wondering if I might be at risk of alcoholism. A month or so ago, Friday night, my wife announced a big accomplishment so I suggested shots to celebrate. She rarely ever has more than a couple drinks, but on this night, she kept suggesting more, and we got pretty hammered. Lots of fun. When I got up Saturday morning, still half drunk, there was still a shotglass full of tequila on the counter and as I was cleaning up I thought what the hell, why waste it. Well that was pretty damn good. Poured a couple more. Mmmm. Day was really fun. Of course drank beer all afternoon/night like normal. Sunday morning was hungover and remembered how great drinking in the morning was the day before (and recalling the hair-of-the-dog thing), so started the day with a glass of vodka. Another great day. Monday sucked much worse than normal. Long story short, next couple weekends did the same thing.

What worries me is I like it a lot, and can’t convince myself of a good enough reason not to do it (and perhaps that’s why I’m worried). Yesterday morning I got up and wasn’t necessarily planning on drinking early as we were going out to a street fair in the afternoon anyway, but half hour later after constantly thinking of it, gave in to temptation and drank that glass of vodka. So basically now I’m still drinking 30 or more 5% beers per weekend, plus now I’ve added in a pint of vodka. So I’m worried about getting addicted, liver damage, DUI if I drive during the day, and the fact that I am basically hiding it from my wife; I certainly didn’t mention I was drinking in the morning and of course she’d have no reason to ask such a random question (and I’m able to drink quite a bit and still appear sober to others). But I’m chugging from the bottle in the morning when she’s not around, and so I feel like I’m being dishonest, and of course if I did mention it I’m sure she wouldn’t be happy. And I doubt I could do it for regularly for very long without getting “caught” or her wondering why there’s often vodka bottles in the trash when she never saw me drinking vodka (as typically I rarely drink liquor besides special occasions so finishing bottles is uncommon).

Before this past month, I never really thought to drink in the morning. A few times when I was younger and I’d go camping with the guys we’d drink beer all day including the morning, but that was always only a camping thing and that was 10+ years ago. I’ve never even drank hair-of-the-dog drinks before, if I was hungover in the morning I’d usually just plop down on the couch, smoke pot, drink water, have pepto if needed, eat some comfort food (frozen pizza for hangover breakfast was one of my favorites if I was lazy), then be fine. But that’s something I can’t really do with wife and kids and responsibilities. Actually mentioning pot, I think that’s one of the reasons I started drinking on Sundays, my wife doesn’t really like me smoking pot and I agreed before we had kids that I wouldn’t smoke in front of them (and have since, at her request, extended that to won’t smoke before taking care of them alone), so I think I replaced Sunday cannabis with alcohol – basically cuz it doesn’t bother her if I’m drinking a beer on a Sunday afternoon.

Opinions? Advice? Am I at risk for alcoholism or liver disease?