For those who have been successful, how do you deal with feeling "deprived"?
After trying to address my alcoholism for years, I feel like I have just now started to understand certain things. Like, really understand them. You know when you've heard a statement/slogan for years and one day it starts to really mean something to you. It becomes more than just a slogan, but an absolute truth that you understand?
:: I cannot drink alcohol safely or responsibly under any circumstance, despite my greatest efforts
:: I am exhausted fighting a battle I cannot ever win. Ever. I don't want to play this game anymore.
But here's one huge thought I continue to struggle with. I am - for whatever reason - scared to death of being defined by what I cannot do. Something about that just seems to break me. I have to be honest, and please nobody take this statement as disrespect towards the program as it's just my response, but I have found that AA meetings have an almost opposite effect on me for this very reason. The guy who stands up and states that he has 7,453 days since his last drink. It's scares the sh*t out of me, and I can not shake it. Almost like I'm shackled??
How do you all address these feelings of what you can't have ever?
Thank you.