Q:
'But how do you guys silence the thoughts? Sure you can recognize them for what they are and do your best to ignore them but how do you make them STFU?'
A: I move the Goalposts defining 'Success'. My definition is no longer to 'make them STFU'.
Some time ago on SR, I read a sincere Post from someone to the effect that - simply because he still
had thoughts about Drinking - he was not Recovered. So, he felt he had to go beat himself up some more, and double down on the same Program. The Program that had - I guess - defined 'failure' as having any residual Drinking thoughts
at all. I'm thinkin': 'Man, what an impossible personal standard to meet'! 'Drink for 'x' Decades, and
never again [harmlessly] think of Drinking'? It kinda reminded me of old Calvinist, 'beat yourself up' thinking whereby any Sexual thoughts meant some stint of Self Punishment, or flagellation.
So, I simply redefined what constitutes 'success'. I'm allowed to do that. It's
my Recovery. I don't sweat the occasional Drinking thought. I don't beat myself up for having such thoughts. I don't resent such thoughts, or consider the mere existence of them 'failure'. 'Urge Surfing' in action.
As stated above, and elsewhere,
acting on such thoughts is my Goalpost. I moved it 'back' to where
just a thought doesn't mean squat. In a like manner, admiring some Babe at the Dog Park this afternoon isn't Marital Infidelity.
Acting on such thoughts is.-) And, the chance of
that Scenario [at my age] equals the chance of Drinking again: zero.dot.zero!
See how easy that was?
I've done this same 'moving the Goalposts to suit me' Exercise re: 'what does it mean to have 'enough' Money'? 'What is an acceptable Body Type'? [a biggie for plenty of Women]. 'When do I consider
myself Recovered'? Set/define your
own standard for 'success'. Accept no substitutes.
.