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Old 05-31-2015, 06:48 AM
  # 215 (permalink)  
TennantSmith
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 390
I woke up this morning and checked my Facebook. One of the first posts was someone warning people about all of the DWI checkpoints last night. I flashed back to times of worrying about that. Was the other person driving sober enough? Was I sober enough? Should I call a cab? Can I make it home okay? I felt such a sense of relief knowing that those concerns are gone now.

So many concerns are gone with sobriety. Money spent that shouldn't have been. Checking FB, texts, call logs to make sure I didn't make an ass of myself. Going back and making excuses to get out of drunken promises. The feelings of shame from my behavior. Feeling disappointed in myself because I got drunk. The sadness and anxiety are lessened.

My weekend consisted of movies, chats with friends, going to the park with the dog for a vet event, laughter, pizza, and cake. It was a normal weekend.

My recovery has been far from perfect for anyone who has read this thread or other threads on here. But each day, I get stronger in my resolve and my desire to be sober over using alcohol to create a feeling or to erase other feelings.

I've had a desire for a few years now to find my authentic self. I've realized lately, I don't have to search for it so much. Who I really am has a way of showing up in my sobriety. Being drunk hid who I was, which caused such intense searching. Being sober allows that inner voice that is truly me to have a louder voice. It allows me to hear the desires of my heart more clearly. There's a peace with sobriety. A quiet peace.

My life isn't perfect right now. It never will be. There are still sick kids, bills, big tests to take, a bathroom tub that clogs too much, yards to be mowed, and children to be present for. Alcohol jumbled too many things together, there were too many balls to be juggled. Being sober allows me to focus, to stop and think before acting, to be present.

I'm glad I don't have to concern myself with DWI checkpoints anymore. I'm grateful for a lot of things, really. I felt like today was a good day to recognize that.
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