I understand, oh how I understand. My daughter died in my arms ten years ago. I dealt with it numbly without drinking for a while, but then my alcoholism came on with a roar. I have been sober 5 months. I always felt her passing gave me the excuse to be angry at the world and do whatever I needed/wanted to either numb out or feel good. Problem was, I was also taking that time and care and attention away from my two living children. I forgot them and my husband in the process. I am well on the road to reconnecting and getting to know who they are now - I feel I missed out on so much.
There is so much pain that comes in losing a child. Only recently have I begun to open up about it, because I realize that using her name out loud heals me just a little bit each time. I no longer hide her or my alcoholism in the closet.
For wisdom, all I can say is this. People say all kinds of the things to you when your child dies. Some lovely, some well meaning but off base, and some plain cruel (this from the religious side of my family). But the one I never got was about time healing all wounds. To me that's just a misnomer. No, time doesn't heal wounds. What time does is separate us further and further from the horrific event. I no longer live every day thinking of her all day every day. I guess I learned to put her in a special box in my brain that I can visit anytime I want, but can also walk around and not open during times where I need to be present, or experiencing joy. My arms will ache for her til my dying day, but I will also experience great joy while I wait to meet her again.
Peace and love to you.