Anilated

Suffered back pain since mid twenties - put op off due to being scared

Finally did double disk replacement at 34.

It failed very badly leaving me unable to sit down - 1 minute of sitting gives 10 out 10 pain

Due to the fact I have not been able to sit down now for nearly a decade I had to use other areas to 'lean on' such as hips and sitting totally twisted

My back bottom middle and top is now totally wrecked

Along with my ankle and leg pain

The leg pain and the Middle of my back allow me to only stand or walk for small periods

Been trying for 8 years to find someone who will / can help - no joy

Depression I always denied in my head but it's crept up over those 8 years

Huge mortgage and small kids

Now... I obviously started with codeine and tramadol and lyrica - got dependent on the codeine

Then I was getting panic attacks and I got clonazepam- small amounts - I felt like I was enjoying my life for the first time in years - I got a source to get me more.....

Now the worst bit i used cocaine in my twenties didn't like drink much

2 weeks ago I got it for the first time in years and 1 line was great but as soon as the feeling dropped - well you know

Had to tell my poor wife I had a blip and locked myself in my room for the night - as I was totally ashamed as I knew how much it hurt her seeing me on it in my 20s

She was so understanding

I did it again today and when she came home needing sleep from teaching 33 kids and having fybromyalgia I had to take her aside and say I had done it again - she now challenged me and I agree - I take things to escape
I also had for about 6 months some mdma - never really bothered with it - I took it when the cocaine was finished as I was getting really badly depressed and or course that's what happens when the cocaine wears off - I couldn't cope so took it hoping it would help my suicidal thoughts (I would never actually do it - my children) it took ages I thought it was dud - I managed to open up to wife see above - an hour later back in my locked room of shame - I had a cig - then bang it's hit me like a truck

So yes I'm currently wired but the point is im dependent on anything to ease pain or help my mood - my wife again understands but it's now time - she said your not a drug addict as such your dependent on stuff to help your medical issues and it's doing anything but helying

Help