OMG - I just realized I've been trying to quit for 10 years.
I found a profile of mine on a website I used to frequent, and in there I wrote that I had "given up drinking for good".
I was 25 years old. 10 years later, and I'm still drinking. Only difference is I am undoubtedly drinking more. Basically, every night.
In that time I have:
:: Gone to AA (probably 25 times - possibly 30? I desperately wanted it to work for me, but it really didn't. No disrespect to AA members here
:: Spent 3 years with an addiction therapist. Yes, 3 years - I still see him
:: Got a prescription for Naltrexone, which worked. But in order for it to work, you have to actually take it
:: Reached out to a few close friends - only to disappoint them
On the outside, my life doesn't appear dysfunctional. I have a good job, income, friends, am close to my family and go to the gym consistently. People know me as a big drinker, but I'm a "fun drunk" who seems to pull it all together for important stuff, so they don't express too much concern. But beyond that facade is an alcoholic with no control. The moment I start I cannot stop. Once consumed, virtually everything else becomes secondary to alcohol. This has led to countless regrettable actions, yet somehow not enough to have me stop.
I'm 35 years old and I have no idea how to live without alcohol. Yet at the same time, I know I can no longer live like this. If that even makes sense...
I'm really, really, really tired of having this battle and losing.