Well, I ended up going a week and found an excuse to let myself drink again. I lost hope and ended up going on a huge binge and have been drinking regularly again ever since. I thought maybe I could try again starting in June and I'd just drink as much as I wanted till May ended, but that's just an excuse and I know it.
I should have came right back, but I didn't. Had a rough night of drinking last night and called my dad, making a total idiot out of myself and now he's all worried and angry again.
I've had to accept what I already knew; no matter how many rules I make up I'll never be able to control my drinking because I'm an alcoholic. I can't drink just on weekends, I can't drink just socially, I can't put a limit on how much I will consume, and I can't control my behavior. When I drink I will blackout, I will drive, I will make a fool out of myself, I will not accomplish anything and all it does is add fuel to my already clinical depression.
I have to make it work this time...